*le sigh*

I sometimes wish my boyfriend found me interesting enough to actually spend time with me and not online with his workfriends or playing warhammer or being anywhere else but near me! 

Oh well, enough of that already!!

Finding all the shift changes at work getting more and more annoying now. They keep replacing my days off / moving my hours around and I never seem to know what  I'm doing one day to the next. Arranged to go out tomorrow night and was looking forward to it, knowing that I wasnt working on Sunday, only to find when I went in to work today that I AM working and therefore cant really enjoy tomorrow as much as I'd like as I have to be up at stoopid o clock the following morning. I've also gone from working a 9-6 tomorrow at the beginning of the week to working a 1--7.30, which again buggers up my plans.
 

Had a call from the volunteer coordinator for the Northern General hospital today, they're still desperate for someone to take on the snack bar in the Huntsman building a day or two a week so I'm going to offer my weekday off to help out a few hours a week. It may not be much but it certainly helps them! With all the times I've been in the Northern General with my mum and Nan, I know how important that snack bar is if you cant get something to eat before visiting hours and when the canteen is closed. Plus, all the profits go to a great cause, and I want to feel like I'm actually doing something worthwhile with my life!! ^_^

So yeah, a wierd mix of emo and strange joy I think sums up today...

Oooh, and I have new hair!! Tis short(ish) and I attempted to dye it brown but it failed miserably and I'm still a redhead (though secretly I think I'm a little glad!)

So... in the process of friending one of my friends on here (which sounds confusing, but is less than it appears) I've realised that I've not updated on here in forever.

This is mainly because I have been very uninteresting of late. I was working at threshers, then took a second job at game, then lost my job at threshers, then lost my job at Game, and then got my job back at Game again. And I'm doing pretty well at it, even if I do say so myself.

I'm with Tom still, and we're even going to be moving in to his parent's house in November time whilst his mum and dad run off to deepest peru or somewhere like that to do something mormony and missiony, so that means we wont be paying rent, and we'll be able to pay off all our debts and save up for our own place.

I'm still hoping to go to college in September this year to start studying to become a forensic psychologist but thats months away yet so I'm not thinking to much about it.

I'm really crap at doing this whole "catch up on my life" thing, mainly cos i find it all so very uninteresting that I dont want to put other people through it lol. The main thing is that the police came to me just before christmas to tell me that they thought that they had found the cab driver i had problems with last year, and they were going to arrest him in early january, but I havent heard anything from them. I've not really chased it up, because I've made a massive effort to put it behind me, and I really dont want it all dragged up again, and I feel a tad guilty for feeling like that, but I think i'm also entitled to want to file it in the box in my head marked "no-go area" with all the rest of the crap thats in there ^_^

So yeah, gonna try and update more, and update more interesting stuff, but doubt its gonna happen really cos I fail! >_<

To quoting song lyrics cos I can't appear to get my own feelings into gear. My head hurts. I wish I could get rid of this headache and I wish I could stop having nightmares about us being married, and cheating, or rejecting me, or hurting me. I guess I want to know he cares, to know that he's hurting as much as I am right now.

So, anyway, here's some Skunk Anansie (Hedonism - Stoosh)

( Mneh )

And feeling like so about relationships

( Bleh... )

I'm single again, and so expect more emo mibblings as I attempt to find somewhere to live and sort my life out (again)

I apologise in advance....

That deciding on a career in Forensic Psychology would be so stressful. Apparently I have to decide which university I want to go to BEFORE I apply for my college access course.

I have 2 routes. I can go for a Bsc in Forensic Psychology, which is an undergraduate course, at a select few universities across the country, or I can go for a BSc (which will be better than the BA) in something like criminology and psychology with an Msc in Forensic Psychology, which is the longer progression route of the two.

Its easier to do the second route as most universities offer an undergraduate psychology course with a masters in Forensic Psychology but I think I'd like to do the Bsc as its an accredited scheme anyway. Plus I can always do the Msc afterwards if I choose, and then do the standard 2 years supervised practice which is needed by the BPS to become a chartered psychologist anyway.

However now I need to decide which Access course I need to do as I have no alevels. I can do Humanities and Social Sciences, which is Psychology, Sociology, Maths, English and Science (which leads more down the BA route) or I can do a Health Sciences course, which has no psychology in it at all, but has the pure sciences needed for the Bsc course. I have spoken to a couple of universities who have said that the Psychology and Sociology modules of the Humanities course can cover my science entry requirments, and the English and Maths will help for the other entry requirements.

All this is so new to me and I have absolutely no idea what the heck I'm doing so right now my head feels like its about to explode.... and I apparently have to apply for college within the next couple of weeks before the courses fill as they always fill really quickly. Pffft! HELP!!! 

I'm really gutted that thanks to the designer running out of bandwith for my old profile layout, I have lost my shiny colourful layout.

The new one I have is OK, but its just not the same, and the fecking ads are in the way of my journal. And the old one suited me much better! 

This makes me sad. *cries*

If that bloody woman from "Always" wishes me "A Happy Period" again I swear to God I'm going to find out who she is and gag her with a sanitary towel.

A HAPPY PERIOD?!?!?!? FFS.... 

My work has decided to start enforcing a dress code, which is wank.

Included in this dress code is the banning of all piercing other than the ear (and nose for religious reasons), tattoos are now "actively discouraged" and all this in the name of  "customer focus"

Which is bollocks. A quick cross section of customers in my shop came to the conclusion that

a) as long as I'm wearing my uniform so they can see who's working in the shop, they don't care

and

b) what the fuck is it to do with First Quench what I stick in my face, thank you very much.

Which is exactly my thinking. I don't know of anyone in this day and age who is offended by someone with a simple lip piercing. In fact, in my shop alone there are 2 girls (including myself) who have pink hair, and the only people who pass comment more than once are the chavvy bastards of the ilk that we don't want in our shop anyway! Even one old lady said "I like it when I see someone who looks different, you can tell they're usually going to be polite and courteous, unlike most of those who wear tracksuits"

So what is it that companies have against bodymods/tattoos anyway? Its got me thinking about active discrimination against alternative people in the workplace, and the lengths that some companies go to in the name of "professionalism". My own personal experiences have included being barred from wearing makeup as the shade is "too goth" (FFS, I'm as white as a sheet... ITS MY SKIN TONE, ASSWIPE) and I've read some real horror stories from people who have been majorly discriminated against for their appearance.

Now, I know that in any job, you are judged by your appearance, however, I'm not sure why a lip piercing is "unproffessional" and should be banned. In what way does having a ring in your eyebrow / nose / lip / anywhere else affect you doing your job and in these days where you can't discriminate against someone for most aspects of appearance / race / sexuality, why discriminate against someone's music tastes / lifestyle choices.  In my eyes its paramount to telling someone... "No, we're not going to hire you, because you're fat, and some people don't like fat people, so therefore it looks unproffessional and might lose us customers", which is, I think, against the law. 

**Its quickly worth noting here that the last time I got Mystery Shopped, I got amongst the highest score in the district, so I'm obviously good at what I do**

Its not even like I'm doing a "proffessional" job, I work in a fucking Local for Christ's sake. I sell bread and beer (mainly) so its hardly like I'm meeting the CEO of Apple for Cucumber Sandwiches at the Hilton. I'm generally meeting pissed up chavs and underage kids, or the regulars, who blatantly don't give a fuck or they wouldn't be regulars now, would they? When I grow up and get a real job, I *might* think about changing my appearance, but FFS, I'm taking a bit of a *career break* for now, I've been in proper jobs since I was 17, so screw you. I'm going to keep my appointment to have my lip pierced, and a tattoo on my forearm, and if you don't like it, TOUGH!!

/rant.
 

Working backwards from my uber dramatic post yesterday which pretty much read as "no one loves me, everyone hates me, might as well go and eat worms" I'm attempting to think about things and work out why the buggery I'm feeling like this.

Once again, I have to apologise for self absorbedness... will post something thats not about how crap my life is when life stops being... well, crap!

I often wonder why I always feel so lonely. I mean, its not as if I'm ACTUALLY lonely,  I have so many wonderful people in my life.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I'm lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and it feels like the rest of the world is crushing down on me and there's no one there to stop it.

I wish I could stop being so melodramatic. I wish I could grow up and accept that life isn't like the fairytales, and get on with being happy with what I've got, but I can't, and that makes me sad.

I wish I could stop feeling so sad all the time.

I wish I could stop crying myself to sleep.

I wish that the world seemed brighter, and that I could let my guard down, but I can't.

I don't understand whats wrong with me anymore.